Welcome to Las Vegas
A story about a boy who shat his pants at Medieval Times
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About Mike Slebodnik
Warning: Do not challenge Mike in anything. Even if you win the battle, he spends his spare time planning the war. With a face and body chiseled from stone, it’s surprising to hear Mike’s past with bullies and troublemakers. Not one to start a fight but everyone wants to fight him. It’s probably due to the irreparable chip exposed so openly on his shoulder. If he doesn’t like you, he sweats with anticipation to let it be known. Mike is transparent about his intentions and opinions at all times. Prepare ahead of time for what he’ll say; like most roller coasters, those with heart conditions are advised not to ride.
Life in Shorts
Sometimes briefs are better
As I walked briskly down a mostly empty street in Manhattan at midnight, I approached a homeless man laying on the sidewalk in front of a church. I maintained my hustled stride and greeted him with a genuine but hurried “hey buddy, how are you tonight?” His response made me smile. “Slow down” he said, “you already know how to dance.”
I was exiting my local grocery store on Friday afternoon when I was approached by two small, adorable girl scouts selling cookies. “Buy a box?” they implored. “It’s for a good cause!” It dawned on me that not only could I not reach my wallet due to the heavy 30 pack of Coors Light in my arms, but I had also overdrawn my account to purchase said case. No thanks, little girls, I thought. For I have instead elected to spend my disposable income on liquid self-esteem, voluntary memory loss and a one-way ticket to hell. So I put my head down and rushed, wordlessly, to my car. And I’m not sorry. It was an awesome weekend.
I was editing a friend’s story where he compared some chick he hooked up with to a whiny little girl. Naturally, I wanted to include a video that showcased a little girl throwing a temper tantrum. So off to YouTube I went. “Kids throwing fits,” “Little girls screaming why,” and “Girl throws a nasty tantrum” were included in my search phrases. Then I stumbled upon something special. It was a video of the chubbiest child I’ve ever seen singing a song. If you watch closely, you’ll notice that he looks like a midget wearing a chubby kid suit… because there is no way a kid like this really exists. It just can’t be.