Life Swap

It wasn’t easy being a single mommy when Maryann was little.  I was working two jobs at the time.  My parents were a big help, but they were getting old and could only do so much.  What a beautiful child she was.  She’s a red-head and was so cute with little pigtails.  And her smile.  She would light up a room and turn the hardest hearts into mush.  She was 3 when I decided to find a nanny.

If you’ve ever gone on a nanny hunt, you’ll know what I mean when I say how difficult of a decision it is.  Remember towards the beginning of Mary Poppins when a line of nannies went down the street?  By the time I’d made my decision, I’d seen enough women in 3 months to make a comparable line.  And then there was Kaitlin.

She was younger than most of the potentials, but was highly recommended from my friend Karen who used Kaitlin to babysit.  When I introduced her to Maryann, it was as if Kaitlin and Maryann were sisters.  I watched as they played for a while and neither skipped a beat.  My decision was made within the first half hour.  Something inside me knew that Kaitlin had to be my daughter’s nanny.

Fast forward a few months.  I was covering a friend’s shift and made the call so Kaitlin had a heads up.  I’ve come to love Kaitlin by this point and hearing her voice over the phone was always soothing.  I dialed and waited.  “Hi, you’ve reached Sabrina and Maryann.  We can’t come to ...”  I redialed.  “Hi, you’ve reached ...”  Mother’s instinct: something was terribly wrong.

85mph on the parkway would get me home in 20 minutes.  My heart was racing as fast as my car.  Someone must have broken in and hurt my babies.  Leaving the car running, I ran through the gate, up two flights and barreled into the apartment.  “Maryann!  Kaitlin!”  My terror was potent and I acted on pure instinct.  On the kitchen table was a note.  “I’m sorry.”  No signature, nothing else.

The police were kind.  They wrapped me in a blanket and comforted me as I held onto the phone, praying that the person who took my baby and nanny would call.  “Mommy!”  My baby with her little red pigtails and her Spongebob jamas was standing in the doorway.  The word relief is often misused to describe feelings that cannot hold a candle to what I felt.  My baby was OK and I couldn’t stop crying tears of joy as I held her closer than ever before.  The police found my baby.

“Baby, where’s Kaitlin?” I asked.  “Kaitlin made the bad man go away, mommy.”  The police found my baby walking out of the woods behind our apartment.  After their investigation, there is still no answer to what happened to Kaitlin.  Maryann was in quite a bit of shock and doesn’t seem to remember the incident.  What I do know is that Kaitlin made the bad man go away.  She saved my daughter and may have sacrificed her life.  I love you so much Kaitlin and I miss you everyday.