Pants Down, Passed Out

Spring break, senior year; my good friends and I got into the colleges we wanted and prepared for a week of partying that we’d remember for a lifetime.  Our target was Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.

We envisioned a truly perfect vacation: sun, beer, and girls.  The sun and beer came easy, but the girl situation at first was not going well.  On the first night out, a couple of my friends started to dance with these girls.  These girls were part of a group that consisted of more girls and a good amount of guys.  And these guys were not happy that we were dancing with their girls.  So in a typical fashion, we almost got into a fight and were close to being kicked out of the resort.

Moving on to the next day.

My friends and I were getting ready.  My friend ‘Goods’ had a head start on us, as he was already at the bar ripen drinks.  Like a breeze of fresh tail, six gorgeous girls walked up to the bar and start ordering.  Too good to be true, right?  At this point, Goods shot us a text, telling us to hurry.  We finally made it to the bar and saw a landscape of fine women.  Like farmers, we chose the most fertile ground and began planting seeds.

The girl I met was Erin.  Very cute and really liked to drink.  We were ripen shots, getting drunk and playing touchy-feely.  I thought she was drinking a bit too much & too fast, but she assured me that she could handle it.  So I believed her and we carried on.

It was getting late and I had a good buzz.  We now established ourselves with these girls, ready to migrate elsewhere.  The group started walking while Erin and I lagged a bit behind. Erin needed to use the bathroom and asked if I would keep her company.  I thought to myself, “Sure. why not?”

We arrive at the ladies room door and she immediately grabs my face and starts kissing me.  The make-out continued as we busted through the door and into a stall.  I pause, asking her if she wanted to hold off and meet back up with our friends.  To my surprise, she responded by dropping her pants, squatting down and urinating.  For reasons unknown, I stay put, hoping she’d be quick. But she stopped moving.

I tried talking to her…

Me -  Hey Erin, are you done?

(no answer)

Me -  You done?

(I start nudging her shoulder)

Me -  Can you get up?

(no answer, no movement)

Me -  Do you need help?

No fucking response.  Now at this point, my friends are long gone & there was no way I was going to involve a parental figure.  So there I was, left with this inconvenience.

Option #1 -  I skip out on the girl, leaving her on the toilet, pants-down-passed-out.  Then meet up with my friends and act like nothing happened.

Or…

Option #2 -  Be a gentleman… Get this girl out of this bathroom and to a safe place.

Being a true gentleman, I chose option #2.  Pants-down-passed-out, I fireman carried this girl out of the bathroom and back to my room.  Yes, my room because I had no idea where else to go.  I just wanted her to wake up and be OK.

Once in my room, she starts violently throwing up. I’ve known this girl for an hour. Now I’m holding her in my arms, afraid that she was going to die.  It was time to get the proper help.

Before I’m able to act on my decision, the room phone starts to ring.  I pick up and it’s one of my buddies.

Buddy -   Yo! Do you have that girl in your room?

Me -  Ah, yup. Yes I do.

(I stare over at Erin, who’s face deep in my t-bowl throwing up everything she’s eaten since birth)

Buddy -  Nice! Need a condom?

Me -  Actually, I need help.

My friend arrives and we call emergency services.  EMS arrives in a matter of minutes.  Now you’ve got the paramedics working on Erin & random people crowding the inside of my apartment.  In walks Erin’s mother.  Her daughter is incapacitated, lying in a stranger’s hotel room and there are people surrounding the situation adding fuel to the fire.  Erin’s mother looks right at me and I know what she’s thinking.  She feels I did this to her baby.  That I was a rapist.

Erin was carted away and I was left with this disaster of a room.  Eventually everyone finds out and versions of the story are passed along; you can image some people weren’t too happy with me.  Erin was on her senior Spring Break as well and traveled with a whole bunch of friends, some of them being angry & protective guys who wanted to kick my ass.  Eventually the truth was told and everyone cooled down.

Erin and I met a few days later to talk about what happened.  She was in my apartment but this time, Erin was followed.  Without warning, her mother kicks through my door like the Kool-Aid man, cock-blocking me from her now sober and coherent daughter.  Without allowing so much as a negotiation, Erin’s mother drags her out all the while Erin is screaming “Why-eeeeeeeeeeee” like a little girl who was denied sleeping over a friend’s house.