Status-itis

Once upon a time… in-between a bad break up and the recovery period, I developed Status-itis. Status-itis is a mental illness triggered by heartache. Its symptoms include, but are not limited to, de-friending/re-friending, blocking users, deleting/creating accounts and crying spells brought on by Phil Collins songs. The following Facebook occurrences would often ruin my day during Status-itis:

In a relationship

Samantha Soandso is in a relationship. It came up on my newsreel. She’s so pretty and I really thought that she liked me because she accepted my friend request. Because that’s what it means when a girl accepts your friend request. Who is this Neil Stopitalready that she’s dating? I can see the profile picture without being his friend and he’s not handsome. He’s a douchebag.

Inbox Messages

It has to be from a girl. And she’s going to be one of the pretty ones. I can’t wait to see what it says. It doesn’t matter what it says because any unsolicited Facebook message from a girl means she likes me. Fuck. It’s from Tommy Whogivesafuck’s band ‘Chicken Milk’ again.

Friend decline

My number of friends has gone down today. I can tell because yesterday I was at an even 1,100. Today, it’s at 1,098. It’s probably the two most beautiful women on Facebook. They don’t find me attractive and that’s why they’ve removed me.

Updates

At least there’s a new update on the bottom right of my screen. It’s probably an ex girlfriend commenting on how handsome I look in one of profile pictures. I had my friend make the pictures look mysterious. Nope. It’s from the ‘Penis Farmer’ application looking for an experienced ranch hand. Not interested.

I’m currently getting things straight; thank you for your support during my recovery.