The Cure for Ingrown Hairs

Ever notice that most bathroom exhaust fans have lights that don’t work?  If not, you may need to spend more time in the can.  When you’re lonely and cannot hold a hobby, the bathroom can be a science lab.  The most important things I’ve learned in life have come from the restroom, including the cure for ingrown hairs.

I once knew a woman who described the process of male hair removal as “man-scaping.”  Clever girl.  Too bad clever sayings are rarely invented by the person you hear them from.  For men with thick, wavy beards, we all know the suffering caused by man-scaping the neck.  We’re taught to shave with the grain but no matter what we do, it’s impossible to avoid ingrown hairs and razor burn.  After many attempts using creams, lotions and different blades, I stumbled across neck brushing.

Start this process by letting the neck hair grow back.  Some time passes as the ingrown hairs break through your skin.  Once the rash heals, you may think that taking it slow while shaving with the grain will keep you safe.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  If you’re prone to ingrown hairs, no shaving method nor cream could prevent your neck from looking like a dog’s chew toy.

It’s now time to buy a toothbrush.  Look at the labels to find one with hard bristles.  Brush your neck as if you were sanding a piece of wood.  No need to be gentle.  The exfoliation will release unseen, ingrown hairs while widening your pores.  The wider your pores, the more time it takes for them to shrink.  With wide-opened pores, future hairs that are usually buried under fresh skin pop right through.

You’re now ready to shave.  Depending on hair length, it may be advantageous to use a trimmer first.  Once the hair is short, switch to an exposed razor.  If you’re so inclined, nix the lotion and bare-shave the area.  Be gentle but don’t hold back; get every inch of neck surface.  Upon completion, immediately brush your neck again.  I would recommend neck brushing for at least 45 seconds each time you brush.  Brushing in between shaves is also recommended.

You may be hesitant at first because brushing your neck makes you look like an asshole.  But because of a toothbrush, I now shave without lotion or water.  Does this make me a tough guy?  No.  It makes me a discoverer of uncharted territory.  The body is a planet with places you haven’t been to.  With the right tools, the attention span of a goldfish and a private bathroom, you’ll begin a marvelous journey into the depths of your anatomy.