This Sucks

EEHH!! EEHH!! EEHH!! EEHH!! EEHH!! I open my eyes. I’m still exhausted and my mouth feels like a furnace do to lack of brushing from the night before. I feel gross. My muscles are sore, and I’m groggy. I reach over to shut off that annoying buzzing and return back to my sleeping position. I begin to relax.

As I close my eyes, the next thing I know I’m listening to Michael Bolton mixed with screeching static and a rather annoying buzzing on volume 10. My second alarm successfully did it’s job. I was now awake. Unfortunately, it’s my emergency alarm, which is set for 5:20 am. I now have about 10 minutes to get out of bed, get dressed and get across the street to catch my train to work.

I race around my room, running in circles looking for something to wear. I pull a wrinkled polo shirt out of my closet and a pair of jeans off my floor. I put on my clothes then go and dig through change on my night stand. I need $2.25 for coffee and a newspaper. “Damn” I say to myself as I’m counting up nickels and dimes. I glance over at the clock, “SHIT!” I think to myself as I see the time. 5:39am. 3 minutes before my train comes. No time to do my hair, brush my teeth or wash my face. Only 3 minutes to leave my apartment, run across the street, buy my coffee and paper at the newsstand and bored the train.

I grab a hat and sprint to the bathroom to urinate. As I’m peeing, I reach over and grab the mouthwash. I take a mouthful, squirt out the remaining piss and begin to gargle as I flush the toilet and sprint out of the bathroom. Off I go.

I race across the street and head towards the newsstand to retrieve my coffee and newspaper. While approaching, I see a well dressed man in an expensive suit. He’s carrying a briefcase and moving quickly towards my destination. He gives me a competitive glance as he begins to pick up his pace. We were now officially racing. We both reach the counter at the same time, and before I can say what I need the businessman shouts out, “Iced Hazelnut coffee and a buttered bagel.”

“This fucking guy” I’m thinking as I look at my watch to see that it is 5:42am and that the train would be arriving any minute. I begin to get pissed and think, “Why does this guy have to order something so complicated? He can‘t just get a coffee? He needs an Iced HAZELNUT coffee?”

BUUURR!! DING! DING! DING! I hear the train approaching. Before the newsstand worker could even say “Can I help you?” I blurt out, “Post and a large.” “Post and a large” the large man behind the counter repeats like some kind of parrot. He then looks up at me, like he has everyday for the last five months, gives me a look like he’s just smelled a wicked fart and says “2.25.” I hand him my 10 pounds of change and head towards the side of the stand to fill my cup with coffee. In the corner of my eye I see the train moving toward the platform. I get my coffee all ready and proceed towards the platform. I reach the yellow line as the train stops and the doors open. “HOBOKEN TRAIN, HOBOKEN” the conductor shouts as he steps off the train and onto the platform. I breathe a sigh of relief as I step onto the train. I made it.