Plant the Life Of My Story App into Facebook to grow this seed into a weed
Women.
We all have certain advice we live by and hold close to our hearts that help us choose which difficult paths to take in life. Many great men have said many great things, but the words that stick out in my mind that I hold so dear were coined by Mr. Garrison when he said, “I’m sorry Wendy, but I just don’t trust something that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die.” Although there are many reasons why women hate men for acting a certain way, they fail to realize they make us that way by being sneaky, psychotic, overly sensitive drama queens. All you crazy ass women are the reason why alcohol was invented.
One of the things I have come to learn is women love to blame men for everything. You love to call us stupid and say we’re crazy and act like you’ve done nothing wrong. Did you ever stop and think we act this way because you force us to? One second you are sweet and amazing, the next second you are like the chick from the exorcist with your head spinning around in circles spewing green vomit all over the place. One day you tell us how we are the best boyfriend anyone could ever have, the next you’re hiding outside bars watching to see if we are talking to anyone else. I’ve seen you… standing with your friends behind some girl we hooked up with three years ago talking about how she looks like a skank loud enough for her to hear. And you have the nerve to call us crazy?
So here is the million dollar question for every woman out there: If you think we are all so crazy and such assholes, why do you keep dating us? It’s not like every time you break up with someone you completely switch what you’re looking for in a guy. You still end up dating the same asshole that makes you feel the same exact way. I’ve heard girls blame it on they their ‘daddy issues’ and some say it’s more about the chase but from my experience I think some girls just want to feel like shit. I have seen perfectly nice guys approach them and take them on dates. They do everything right, act like perfect gentlemen, open the door for you, everything your ex never did but what do you say to your friends at the end of the date? “Oh he is really cute and nice, BUT I see him as more of a friend.” OK, first of all whenever you hear the word ‘BUT’ you know you’re fucked. Second of all, chicks dig assholes. That’s just the way it is.
Like my new friend Racine said in her wonderfully wrong interpretation of men, women like to blame our mothers for being the way we are. They take care of us and baby us while we’re growing up and that turns us into assholes that can’t do anything for ourselves. We weren’t born assholes. We became assholes because obviously ‘nice guys finish last.’ So once you get shit on enough for being nice, you get fed up and switch sides. And once we are gone there is no going back. Then we became lazy when you’ve decided to play ‘super girlfriend.’ Now you don’t want to do any of that anymore and yell at us for being lazy with the result of us being… wait for it… Assholes! Weird right?
From what I can tell from a quick glance into the female psyche during ‘The Origin of Man,’ your mothers probably spent more time treating your brother like a god by cooking for him, cleaning up after him and doing his laundry while neglecting to teach you how to do any of that. We don’t hate your mother because we know she is the gate keeper of the entire family and always get along with your father because he lived with you your whole life and realizes what we have to deal with on a regular basis.
You should thank all the heartless skanks for ruining most of the good guys. Thankfully now I am aware that all women are psychotic no matter who they are. Knowing this I’m going to raise my sons to be exactly like me, teaching them at an early age women are insane. Yet I will also teach them the things my mother taught me such as how to appreciate a good woman, treat them well and make them happy. If I have a daughter I will put her in an iron clad chastity belt and ship her to a small island off Guam to be raised in a convent to keep her far away from guys like me.
This post was in response to another post, Origin of Man. And now… Joe Dolan.
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Comments
Mar 13 at 01:35 PM
wow. that was terrible, full of sweeping generalizations and it wasn’t even worded properly to make it funny.
Mar 13 at 01:47 PM
dog shit; pure and utter dog shit. You understand women like an ape understands foreign politics. great video though
Mar 13 at 01:47 PM
Pretty sure this idiot never gets laid which I’m sure contributes to his lack of clever or intelligent writing.
Mar 13 at 03:21 PM
Never mind the abysmal content, this is very poorly written as well.
Mar 13 at 03:22 PM
fucking classic… but i think women are going to hate you for this. hence the comments so far—- chill out ladies! if this doesn’t apply to you than there’s no reason to get all huffy
Mar 13 at 03:24 PM
Why does everyone have to be so hard on my man Casey
Nobody attacked Racine so harshly for her story
Mar 13 at 03:40 PM
Hahaha.. I love it.. It was very poorly written but I still love it! I dont think every woman is like that. Just some. There are alot of amazing girls out there but most are insane. You know it an I know it.. But im glad I could entertain you.. Thanks for stopping by!
Mar 13 at 03:41 PM
I’m actually a dude. Abby Normal is a Mel Brooks reference.
Mar 13 at 03:46 PM
its not poorly written, just a little long. loved it, keep them coming.
Mar 13 at 06:39 PM
Haha.. Funny ass shit.. I have always found those girls too.. And to all the girls, bashing this story just proved him right. Girls are over sensitive drama queens.. Keep writing man.. I LOVED IT!
Mar 14 at 09:36 AM
I thought that was pure genius. I couldn’t agree more.
Mar 14 at 09:37 AM
My mom agrees!
Mar 14 at 10:10 AM
wow
Mar 14 at 02:23 PM
well im very glad i inspired you but OUCH that stung! I know I was hating on men in my story, but I tried to do it nicely by admitting that it’s our fault you guys are such assholes. Ironically, its MY fault you came off as such an asshole in your story too which proves my theory is correct! Haha I WIN.
Although there were places in your story that very nicely paralleled mine, I am very sad to see that you did not attempt to do so when it came to owing up to the fact that men are the reason women are “psychotic, overly sensitive, drama queens.” Instead you took the low rode and chose to blame ‘heartless skanks” and to that I say boo =(
One last thing, PLEASE do not consider my story a glance into the female psyche because 9 out of 10 of my closest friends will tell you I think more like a dude compared to the average woman.
Mar 16 at 07:23 AM
All is fair in love and war, and all participants are as guilty as the next. Sympathize and play nicely.
Mar 16 at 10:50 AM
Mr. Garrison got that charming saying from Faulkner but it’s disturbing either way. I’ll take the bait and admit that women are crazy as long as you admit that men are the same.
Apr 12 at 03:49 AM
I think all of this is true. When guys suck up to me it pisses me off in a way. Girls like getting treated like shit, 98% won’t admit it but goddamn its true. If a guy blows me off I am like wtf, fuck no I know I’m a hot bitch this is dumb and it makes me want him more. Damn, its twisted. I don’t get why we think this way. I would like to say though that I’m one badasssss gf. I’ll give u head for as long as you like whenever you like, massage you, buy lunch, cook, clean, whatever. Andddd I’m not jealous UNTIL I have a damn good reason but then there’s no point in staying if there is no trust. Soooooo, I’m not AS crazy, but still crazy lol
Apr 15 at 02:01 PM
Casey Deville
i like your article, and makes sense…of course it does not apply to all woman, since it takes a lot of maturity, and wisdom to make certain desicion or analysis of situations
but in your opinion
what is the way women should correct this behavior
this destrutive pattern per se
i would like an honest, clear and open advice from a man
not just for me .but all the girl out there….that follow this nonsense behavior…instead of investing time and energy to most useful things like school, goals, work and people that really show love for them
thanks and keep it positive
Apr 15 at 07:01 PM
i think that, in an oversimplfied way (but hey it’s a blog not a dissertation), this is pretty spot on. i would also like to think that because reading it didn’t make my blood boil means that i’m not this kind of girl. though, admittedly, i am overly sensitive and pretty terrible at getting the laundry done. also, i would like to thank all the heartless skanks in the world for leaving my boyfriend relatively unscathed. thanks, skanks!
Apr 16 at 09:04 AM
still waiting for the answer casey
or should i get crazyyyyyyyy???
Apr 20 at 03:08 AM
Baby D,
I am not a clinical psychologist.. I am just an asshole.. If someone could sell a cure to relationship problems they would have enough money to cure cancer, stop world hunger and do what ever else Sally Struthers says we should do at 4 am. I made an observation in response to Racine.. I described a certain type of woman that I happen to encounter quite frequently. I love woman.. Just not heartless skanks.. So in response to your question. I have no idea what they should do.. If I figure it out ill let you know..
Casey Deville