Short by Ryan Wetter February 28, 2011 Post Comment
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Define Awesome

I’m driving with my cousin and she pokes my facial hair, wondering - as many 11 year olds do - about the relationship between mustaches & beards. “What’s it called when the mustache connects to your beard?” she asks. “Awesome,” I answer, “it’s called awesome.”

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Sometimes briefs are better

Damp Nasty

Ryan Wetter | Post Comment

My sister’s hair is wet at breakfast. “Don’t go outside like that,” says my grandfather, “It’s damp nasty out.” What a perfect name for a female rapper. I imagine her as the Ol’ Dirty Bastard of Skeezers.

Babysit

Ryan Wetter | Post Comment

I’m in line at Marshalls when the woman next to me leaves her elderly mother with the cashier. “Don’t worry,” says the cashier, “I’ll babysit!” I imagined myself in her chair. Every wrinkle earned with age. And now she has to put up with this shit.

I’m Creepy?

Ryan Wetter | Post Comment

I’m sitting shotgun as we drive through South Philadelphia. Half my body is hanging out the window because I’m looking at the buildings. A group of young black women wearing backpacks walk by. We meet eyes so I wave. “Who you waving at? Get your body back in the car Predaphile.” First time hearing that word; I should’ve paid attention in class.