As I walked briskly down a mostly empty street in Manhattan at midnight, I approached a homeless man laying on the sidewalk in front of a church. I maintained my hustled stride and greeted him with a genuine but hurried “hey buddy, how are you tonight?” His response made me smile. “Slow down” he said, “you already know how to dance.”
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Don’t Turn Around Just Yet
It’s my birthday and although I couldn’t care less, my grandparents love it and took me to brunch. As my grandfather was eating his tropical waffle at the Turning Point in Long Branch, he froze while staring at something behind me. “Don’t turn around just yet,” he said to me and my grandmother, “but there is a woman midget standing right behind you. She’s smaller than your cousin Ryleigh.” “Well of course she is,” my grandmother continued, “Ryleigh is a tall 11 year old.” It’s funny how older people can say anything offensive and you can chalk it off as entertaining.
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Sometimes briefs are better
I was exiting my local grocery store on Friday afternoon when I was approached by two small, adorable girl scouts selling cookies. “Buy a box?” they implored. “It’s for a good cause!” It dawned on me that not only could I not reach my wallet due to the heavy 30 pack of Coors Light in my arms, but I had also overdrawn my account to purchase said case. No thanks, little girls, I thought. For I have instead elected to spend my disposable income on liquid self-esteem, voluntary memory loss and a one-way ticket to hell. So I put my head down and rushed, wordlessly, to my car. And I’m not sorry. It was an awesome weekend.
I was editing a friend’s story where he compared some chick he hooked up with to a whiny little girl. Naturally, I wanted to include a video that showcased a little girl throwing a temper tantrum. So off to YouTube I went. “Kids throwing fits,” “Little girls screaming why,” and “Girl throws a nasty tantrum” were included in my search phrases. Then I stumbled upon something special. It was a video of the chubbiest child I’ve ever seen singing a song. If you watch closely, you’ll notice that he looks like a midget wearing a chubby kid suit… because there is no way a kid like this really exists. It just can’t be.
Comments
Dec 04 at 01:06 PM
Long live old-people commentary!
Dec 05 at 12:04 AM
I have a niece who’s name is Ryleigh (her spelling is Ryhlee) ~ cool name for a girl.
Anyways, I think the saying is “I couldn’t care less!”
Cool site design. kudos
Dec 05 at 11:16 AM
Made the correction; thanks for spotting it.
And I think the correct word is “whose.” If you see anymore spelling or grammar mistakes, feel free to point them out all over the site.
Dec 05 at 05:54 PM
My grandmother used to call certain people baboula, which in greek ment monster in the closet, right to their faces
Dec 06 at 07:38 PM
My grandfather used to ask me when I was a child, from the age of 7. “You gotta girl?” I would usually reply, “Nah, my brother does though.” He would then say with a smile, “Does she have a tan?” That was my grandfather pulling the race card.