JERSEY WRONG

I won a contest for a free gym membership and told them to cram the prize up the corporate anus.
18

MARK

A Schizophrenic's tale about dinosaurs, Hitler and time travel
6

Greetings from Asbury Park after dark

Deflowering the Flower City of the Garden State
19

PLOWED

Trapped inside with old folks during a blizzard
13

A Christmas Story

Girl takes a shit on my ego in the spirit of Ole Saint Nick
23

How a DUI turned my friend into a zombie

My friend Dave lost his license a second time and immediately turned into a zombie.
5

Olga’s Potato

A boy's first explanation of the vagina
9

I think I met a Serial Killer

At a Dunkin Donuts
20

If My Grammar School Bullies Were SuperVillains

Supervillains take over grammar school
7

Pollock’s Ghost

A great staged haunting with limited time
7

The Other Side

This is what happens when road rage involves Burger King
18

Teenage Mutant Ninja Ellynn

Child abuser gets what he deserves at Toys "R" Us
43

Life in Shorts

Sometimes briefs are better

Damp Nasty

Ryan Wetter | Post Comment

My sister’s hair is wet at breakfast. “Don’t go outside like that,” says my grandfather, “It’s damp nasty out.” What a perfect name for a female rapper. I imagine her as the Ol’ Dirty Bastard of Skeezers.

Babysit

Ryan Wetter | Post Comment

I’m in line at Marshalls when the woman next to me leaves her elderly mother with the cashier. “Don’t worry,” says the cashier, “I’ll babysit!” I imagined myself in her chair. Every wrinkle earned with age. And now she has to put up with this shit.

I’m Creepy?

Ryan Wetter | Post Comment

I’m sitting shotgun as we drive through South Philadelphia. Half my body is hanging out the window because I’m looking at the buildings. A group of young black women wearing backpacks walk by. We meet eyes so I wave. “Who you waving at? Get your body back in the car Predaphile.” First time hearing that word; I should’ve paid attention in class.