my monster

A fear of monsters brought to life when I met my cousin


I won a contest for a free gym membership and told them to cram the prize up the corporate anus.


A Schizophrenic's tale about dinosaurs, Hitler and time travel

Greetings from Asbury Park after dark

Deflowering the Flower City of the Garden State


Trapped inside with old folks during a blizzard

A Christmas Story

Girl takes a shit on my ego in the spirit of Ole Saint Nick

How a DUI turned my friend into a zombie

My friend Dave lost his license a second time and immediately turned into a zombie.

Olga’s Potato

A boy's first explanation of the vagina

I think I met a Serial Killer

At a Dunkin Donuts

If My Grammar School Bullies Were SuperVillains

Supervillains take over grammar school

Pollock’s Ghost

A great staged haunting with limited time

The Other Side

This is what happens when road rage involves Burger King

Life in Shorts

Sometimes briefs are better

Damp Nasty

Ryan Wetter | Post Comment

My sister’s hair is wet at breakfast. “Don’t go outside like that,” says my grandfather, “It’s damp nasty out.” What a perfect name for a female rapper. I imagine her as the Ol’ Dirty Bastard of Skeezers.


Ryan Wetter | Post Comment

I’m in line at Marshalls when the woman next to me leaves her elderly mother with the cashier. “Don’t worry,” says the cashier, “I’ll babysit!” I imagined myself in her chair. Every wrinkle earned with age. And now she has to put up with this shit.

I’m Creepy?

Ryan Wetter | Post Comment

I’m sitting shotgun as we drive through South Philadelphia. Half my body is hanging out the window because I’m looking at the buildings. A group of young black women wearing backpacks walk by. We meet eyes so I wave. “Who you waving at? Get your body back in the car Predaphile.” First time hearing that word; I should’ve paid attention in class.